I once again sit in the dark house,early before anyone else is a wake. This time there are no tears or snot, just dread. This dread is brought to you by not knowing. We do not know when the final day is for my MIL we have to take everything day-by-day. There are no familiar plans to be wrapped up in at this point. We just try to make it to the end of the day so we can do this again the next one. I am a plan person, which makes me a bit less than spontaneous this I know but I like to know what to except each day and with a plan you know that. I think other than the fact that she is going to really die, this no planing has been hard for me. I don’t handle uncharted territory very well and you can bet your sweet bibby that we are neck deep in uncharted, at this point.
All that was to say that I am dreading today, because I have to go to work today. A full 8 hr day. Due to the fact that we don’t know how long this will take, DH and I thought that it would be the best thing for me to try and get some hours in due to the lack of pay that comes from the lack of being at work. Sounds like a good plan, and it is some what of a plan. Days that we are not needed to help out I will work full days, the days that we are needed I work half days. Sounds like a pretty good plan right?
Well the one monkey in the wrench is that I dread spending the time at work. I am not sure that my co-workers understand the difficulty of this situation. They can sit back and tell me how it is not fair that I am not there, that I should just cut and run from it all so that I don’t have to be part of this. On the other hand there are “if there is anything I can do people” I think they also feel like I need to be there, and may not understand fully the situation either.
What I do know is that I can not make either group understand what is happening in my world right now. So what I need to do so I can make it through with out any more baggage is to know that it is not something I can change, and be ok with it. I am doing the best I can to balance these chainsaws that I seem to be juggling right now, and that is all I can do.
This post was inspired by:
“… grant me the Serenity to accept the things I can not change, Courage to change the things I can, and Wisdom to know the difference…”