I can say that I have a love/hate relationship with my body. Most of the time I’m all about Team Love, with the I’m perfect without changing a thing. Why the hell would it want to be conform to unrealistic standards of what is beautiful. Eff that I am perfect just like I am right now.
The ugly step sister of Love shows up and it is not a pretty sight. There are tears and anger over the fact that nothing in my closet seems to fit right, so how it must be all the clothes fault…right? When it is all about Team Hate I am just a lazy fat person who buys in to all the negative talk that the crazy in her head can dish out. The kicker here is the same clothing in the evil closet of doom where the same ones that just a little while about I thought I was all that and a bag of chips.
So what changes?
Quite frankly I have no fricken clue what sets me off on the down hill “i hate you” ride. I whole heartedly believe that I don’t have to be a size 2 to be beautiful. I don’t have to wear makeup or have the latest in fashion clothing to be beautiful. But there are times that I am totally disgusted with the way I look. This tends to confuse and enrage me when it happens.
Negative Self-talk, where does it come from?
We are fed negative self-talk from well-meaning Doctors , friends even strangers will have a word or two to share with you. “Why yes Dr. I know that I am obese because my clothes in the clothing stores are way in the back in a very small selection of styles and colors or at expensive specialty stores. Oh and I have a mirror thank you very much.” As a person of above average weight I am fully aware that I am not like everyone. While this is where I should say that just means there is more of me to love, all I hear in my head is mean thing that I would never say to another person because it would hurt their feelings. I guess my feelings don’t count.
So now what?
This downward trip I have decided to give the 17 day diet a go. I read a great post by @GailtBreen about the 3rd cycle of the 17 day diet. I had not heard of it before reading her post. So I bought the kindle version of the book and pretty much read the whole thing in one day. While it was nothing that I didn’t already know from 30+ years of the diet merry-go-round it was packaged in a doable format. I can do anything for 17 days… right. While this may all be a bunch of hooey I am going to give it a go I have nothing to lose.
I start today! It is Day 1 of Cycle 1.
Do you have the same sort of relationship? How do you deal with the down swings?