justalittlesnarky

Anti-Niche= good at many things, not an expert at any of them but having a great time all the same.

justalittlesnarky - Anti-Niche= good at many things, not an expert at any of them but having a great time all the same.

Tag Archives: change

Progress so far- day 5 & 6

Days 5 & 6

I was going to do this daily but somehow that didn’t happen for day 5 so I guess I will post when I have something to say.

The end of day 4 found me at the store picking up some more cucumbers and I wanted a salad for my dinner meal so I got some stuff for that too. I noticed that I was starving as I walked back out to the car. I noticed this because I was immediately hit by the inviting smell of pizza (one of my favorite foods). The cravings had not really been an issue, until that moment when I seriously considered dropping my shopping bags at the car and running to get pizza. Pretty sure that I would have trampled small children and old ladies to get it, it was that bad. But instead I got in my car and headed home to make dinner for the guys and myself.

I count that as a win no one was hurt including me by eating that crap on crust that I thought of as pizza. In the last few days I have watched a lot of documentaries on food and food industry. The first one was Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead. That is what started this process. Next was Forks Over Knifes, a very strong argument for plant based diets for everyone. The last one was Hungry For Change, this one also promotes heavy plant based diets, but it also sheds a bit of light in an introspective direction.

I would recommend them all to everyone but I know that most don’t want to know this stuff. It makes it harder to be ok with giving your family this processed food like products that can be harmful to them in the long run. While we have cut way back on the amount of processed of foods that we eat in the last two years there is still stuff that I would like to change.

Keep in mind that I’m the only person in the house that cooks all the meals and at this time my meals are contained within 16 oz jars of juice. So this compounds the challenge for me in many ways. I can longer taste things as I cook so that job has gone to DS. He doesn’t like it but it’s that or nothing will ever be seasoned correctly again. Both of them are not big veggie eaters, but they have been willing to at least try some plant based versions, so there is that.

Things I have notices so far:

  • My skin feels tight not in a bad way
  • I sleep much better
  • My mood is pretty much improved
  • I don’t have cravings unless I’m hungry
  • I still don’t know how to buy produce
  • I have to pee a million and one times a day
  • My forehead is not as greasy anymore
  • I have lost weight

I like the way I feel and I think I will see where this goes. Even if I didn’t lose another ounce I would still stick to some form of this, it is quite amazing the difference. I did have the kid take some “before” photos, those make me very sad and a bit motivated. I guess we all see only what we want to see when looking at ourselves. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but I think that give us a very narrow view. I will post them once I have something to compare them too.

I believe in you…I really do

I truly believe that you can do anything you want. I believe that all of you can. This is a good thing, the belief in others, the problem lies in the fact that I don’t believe the same is true for myself.

I lie

I will stand here and tell you until I am blue in the face and your ears have fallen off from my yeah-mering on that I do believe I can do anything I want. That is a big fat lie. I am lying to myself as well you. Sorry about the ears, that is kind of a huge bummer.

I would like to think of my self as a confident person but that is really just me playing dress up most of the times. This is not to say that I don’t have brief moments where I am just dripping with confidence, I tend to get myself in trouble in those moments it seems.

Making changes

I have this one annoying friend who seems to have caught on to my lies and likes to point out that I don’t give myself enough credit. Damn it I’m going to have to work harder on my disguise I guess. Anyway I recently was “hired” to do some custom design work for this friend. I use quotes around hired because there was no formal process, just a casual conversation and the promise of cookies.

So I worked on the kick ass header for his blog, it is kick ass I have been told more than once, so it must be true. He was asking me if there was a link that he could use in a post that he was writing to direct people to contact me if they wanted me to do some graphics for them. My first and default answer was no there wasn’t one, and it was truly no big deal (insert downplay of my talent here).

As the day went on I got to thinking about the fact that maybe, just maybe others were on to something. Maybe I really did deserve the praise that I have gotten for my design work. Maybe those stupid voices that like to piss on my dreams were wr…WRONG!

They were wrong, I think this was one of those Ah-a moments. I have a skill/talent that I should be using and charging people for the “product” that I can produce with this skill/talent. I am worthy of the accolades that I have been given when I do make good use of this skill/talent.

Birth of a new adventure

I am officially hanging out my shingle as a graphic designer. Just typing those words make my heart pound. I am going to put together some of the stuff I have done personally as well as what I just finished for E.S. Kelly. While I don’t think I am going to be able to quit my real job anytime soon, it is something I enjoy doing I might as well put it out there. Now that I have started believing in myself, even just a little but there is no telling what I can accomplish. So look for more information to come about JustALittleSnarky Designs.

Do you believe in yourself as much as you do others around you?

Afraid of me!

Pin-up blue color edited

Image via Wikipedia

 

 

 

 

 

 

What I mean by that is, I am afraid to be me.

Go confidently in the direction of your dream. Live the life you have imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler. – Henry David Thoreau

this is a quote that I was introduced to by my friend. It has come up in my life a lot in the past few year. What that says to me is that “we” expend tons of energy trying to be what we think people think we should be. We worry about what everyone around us think, time and effort trying to “fit-in”. My whole high school experience was all about fitting in. As it should be I guess, then I got a job and had to fit in there. That is the simplicity that he is talking about, well that is my take on it.

Now please understand that I have piercings and tattoos so I am not all prim and proper looking to act out. They didn’t happen until I was in my late 20′s and they were frowned upon by my parents, when I did so. I guess I walk a line between the me I want to be and the one the world thinks I should be. Maybe the world doesn’t give a rats ass about me but it sure manages to dictate my decisions most of the time. I got my nose pierced thinking it was all rebellious sticking to the man and all that shit. NO ONE EVEN NOTICES!!!! So that was a bit less than the desired effect.

There is an internal conflict with the “adult” thing to do and wanting to let my freak flag fly. I spend time day dreaming about having some sort of job that I could have rainbow hair and a ton of tattoos if I wanted to, where I could dress like a pin-up from the 40′s, not just for Halloween with no one making any comments about it.

I am not really sure what the point of this post was other than to say that I need to find me. The me that is hiding in the corner in an awesome dress, rocking Betty Pagie bangs without any apologies. I am going to see if I can convince her to come out a bit more often.

A feral pony of Assateague Island.

Image via Wikipedia

***Thank you to all of the new people who have stopped by due to #VlogTalk.***

This was going to a review for the E.L.F. cosmetics cream eyeliner, I will still do that one but for now I need to Talk about work. I know it is a no fun topic, but ti seem to affect my whole world these days.

As some of you may know the frustration level with my job has been at an epic level of late. So it seems that was all coming to a head this week. Everyone involved was unhappy in some way, I finally was able to talk to my boss to-day. I was able to make my frustration know and he seemed to understand where I was coming from. I was also put on notice by him that I was coming across in a negative fashion. This was not really news to me I have been pretty much negative for a while now with regards to work. The fact that I was no longer able to hide it was what was the issue for me. I try to make changed to the way I interact with people but I seem to have been slipping deeper and deeper into the “I hate everything” place.

I told him that I was working on that but due to the list of things that cause the frustration that has built up over the years that it will not be an easy task. He agreed to take a look at the issue, but we have all heard that song and dance before. We refer to it as “promising ponies”. And over the years there have been tons of them promised, and yet some how I am still ponyless.

This time there where the standard ponies up on the block, this time I decided that I was going to make at least one of the main frustration factors in to that shiny pony that was just waiting for me. I did just that I put in motion the changes that need to be in place to deal with the lack of communication that is the main factor here.

We will see if the pony survives or not but at least I am not still waiting for the damn thing. So I guess they are right you need to be the change you want to see in the world even if that world is just you tiny part of it.

No the damn world better not end this weekend I will have made this break through for no reason.

The new normal or at least I think it is normal

I am sitting at work today Monday the 22nd of November. This is the first full day in a long time for me at work. I guess one could say that now that we are finished with the house and it is being prepped to be put on the market that we can start to find a new normal. This is proving to be a bit difficult is many ways with the pending holidays fast approaching.

I am not even really sure that we have had time for the grief that is hanging above our heads to sink in, to really feel the loss that comes from her death. I know that she is gone and that we just spent two weeks cleaning out her house and DH childhood home, I know that I feel waves of sadness that cause me to weep, but I am not sure that what I am feeling is the full impact of the grief. I guess you could call it waiting for the other shoe to drop so to speak.

I have been hit with a lovely case of insomnia which seems impossible given how effen tired I am. I have to say that it is a side effect of the grief process. But some how that doesn’t make it any better.

I struggle with this new norm that we are trying to build. Normal would seem to imply that things have gone back to the way they were before, say July 26,2010. That would be normal, but we can not go back so we need to make a new normal one that doesn’t include the missing family member anywhere but in our hearts and memories.

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