What I mean by that is, I am afraid to be me.
Go confidently in the direction of your dream. Live the life you have imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler. – Henry David Thoreau
this is a quote that I was introduced to by my friend. It has come up in my life a lot in the past few year. What that says to me is that “we” expend tons of energy trying to be what we think people think we should be. We worry about what everyone around us think, time and effort trying to “fit-in”. My whole high school experience was all about fitting in. As it should be I guess, then I got a job and had to fit in there. That is the simplicity that he is talking about, well that is my take on it.
Now please understand that I have piercings and tattoos so I am not all prim and proper looking to act out. They didn’t happen until I was in my late 20′s and they were frowned upon by my parents, when I did so. I guess I walk a line between the me I want to be and the one the world thinks I should be. Maybe the world doesn’t give a rats ass about me but it sure manages to dictate my decisions most of the time. I got my nose pierced thinking it was all rebellious sticking to the man and all that shit. NO ONE EVEN NOTICES!!!! So that was a bit less than the desired effect.
There is an internal conflict with the “adult” thing to do and wanting to let my freak flag fly. I spend time day dreaming about having some sort of job that I could have rainbow hair and a ton of tattoos if I wanted to, where I could dress like a pin-up from the 40′s, not just for Halloween with no one making any comments about it.
I am not really sure what the point of this post was other than to say that I need to find me. The me that is hiding in the corner in an awesome dress, rocking Betty Pagie bangs without any apologies. I am going to see if I can convince her to come out a bit more often.