justalittlesnarky

Anti-Niche= good at many things, not an expert at any of them but having a great time all the same.

justalittlesnarky - Anti-Niche= good at many things, not an expert at any of them but having a great time all the same.

Tag Archives: self

Afraid of me!

Pin-up blue color edited

Image via Wikipedia

 

 

 

 

 

 

What I mean by that is, I am afraid to be me.

Go confidently in the direction of your dream. Live the life you have imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler. – Henry David Thoreau

this is a quote that I was introduced to by my friend. It has come up in my life a lot in the past few year. What that says to me is that “we” expend tons of energy trying to be what we think people think we should be. We worry about what everyone around us think, time and effort trying to “fit-in”. My whole high school experience was all about fitting in. As it should be I guess, then I got a job and had to fit in there. That is the simplicity that he is talking about, well that is my take on it.

Now please understand that I have piercings and tattoos so I am not all prim and proper looking to act out. They didn’t happen until I was in my late 20′s and they were frowned upon by my parents, when I did so. I guess I walk a line between the me I want to be and the one the world thinks I should be. Maybe the world doesn’t give a rats ass about me but it sure manages to dictate my decisions most of the time. I got my nose pierced thinking it was all rebellious sticking to the man and all that shit. NO ONE EVEN NOTICES!!!! So that was a bit less than the desired effect.

There is an internal conflict with the “adult” thing to do and wanting to let my freak flag fly. I spend time day dreaming about having some sort of job that I could have rainbow hair and a ton of tattoos if I wanted to, where I could dress like a pin-up from the 40′s, not just for Halloween with no one making any comments about it.

I am not really sure what the point of this post was other than to say that I need to find me. The me that is hiding in the corner in an awesome dress, rocking Betty Pagie bangs without any apologies. I am going to see if I can convince her to come out a bit more often.

Not always what you expect #trdc

The room was cool, familiar but covered with unfamiliar sounds and items. I had sat in this room countless times with my son watching his cartoons when we came to visit. But now this room had changed no long did the innocent childhood laughter fill the space, no it was now the drowning sound of the oxygen machine and the whispered conversations that took place in other parts of the house.

This transformation happened quickly, from the day that we got the call that there was something wrong to this point moved so rapidly, and so painfully slowly that it was hard for me to keep up with it all. It was like “Groundhog Day” but we where repeating the same nightmarish days over and over again there toward the end.

As we sit in the room the tension made me what to jump up and run out of the room screaming. But I force myself to stay we have to have this moment, we have to talk.

“Well this sucks!” I say as I gasp for air between stifled sobs.

“Yes it does.” she said back smiling weakly, her face showing her pain. “But there is nothing to be done.”

“I know, but that doesn’t change how I feel, we all know that I am the ‘feeling’ one in the bunch.” I give a tight smile as well and wipe away the tears cascading down my face.

“Yes, we know that very well.” She gasps for breath; at this point talking has gotten to be a burden. “I want you to know that I have always thought of you as a daughter. I am so happy that you and your son came in to my life”

“You have always been my supportive ‘parent’, more so than my parents at times. That is why this is so upsetting for me. I know that we didn’t always see eye to eye on most things but I was listening to what you had to say even if I was fighting tooth and nail against it. I am kind of slow on the uptake sometimes with things.” I sob the last part still trying to keep it together but lose that battle, so I just openly cry.

We make eye contact and for the first time in all the years I have known her I see her shed tears. I get up from my chair, she struggles to sit up more in her bed, and we hug for a brief moment.

“You will take good care of the Boys I know you will.” She wipes away her tears and instantly goes back to the stoic person I have always seen her as.

“I will try to do that” I look down at the mangled bit of tissue in my hand.

At that point there is a knock on the door and we are done talking. Activities resume, jobs are delegated things are set in motion to rap things up, the end was nearing and everyone knew it. We just didn’t know how near it was, 3 days later she was gone.
Looking back on it all now I can see the mistakes that where made and moments where lost forever. But I can also see that it was the right choice, not right choice the only choice that could be made. She was finally at peace and no longer suffering. And we where released from our horrible version of “Groundhog Day” allowed to return to life, an radically different life but life none the less.

This week’s prompt asked you to spread a little joy.You were to write a piece where you or your character overcame a challenge and, even if it’s just for a moment, has a happy ending. We also asked you to surprise us – don’t go with the obvious.

The point of that, by the way, is just to get your thinking. You won’t get “thrill points” or anything but maybe it’ll spark you to keep pushing yourself.





 I was hoping to show that there can be a little bit of joy even in loss, I may have just writen a really sad ending. I don’t know for sure please let me know if I was able to do that in the comments. Thanks for reading.

Stuff, Things, and Coffee

At work I am not know for being a joiner, as is look we all want to get together and learn how to cook something as a “team building” event. I have no interest in this, at all. So, maybe this makes me a bad “team” member or just a bitchy person. I am not really sure which it is. Well that is not completely true I know that I am a bitchy person, so… anyway.

So the Current in Charge (CIC), suggested getting coffee on Friday. I was all “sure, I like coffee.” This was all very much to everyones surprise. Snarky always says “no thank you” when ever anything is offered like this.

For some reason free coffee was what was needed to get me to join in just a little. Who knew!

On a side note the question for today from the Daily Post is:


My answer to this would be, lots of ways. On the weekend I don’t spend much time with my electronics. (except to post daily & now with Script Frenzy) I would clean the house, work in the back yard, read a book, make a dress, craft something, nap or all of the above.

While I love my devices I can entertain myself with out them. I am old enough to remember a time when there was no interwebs, cell phones or computers for that matter. Yes that makes me old, I know.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

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